Anna ~ 21 ~ Recovery Warrior ~ Fit/healthblr ~ Pescetarian ~ Passionate Diver and a Hopeless Romantic.
Quite a few people have been asking me for this, and I thought it might be a good idea to finally speak up. But my story is kinda complicated, so this will be a summary at most. Looking at my blog, you probably couldn’t tell that I’ve struggled with various eating disorders in the past, which almost took my life. It all started with orthorexia and quickly progressed into anorexia. I lost half of my hair and the ability to think straight. My grades suffered a lot. I was constantly cold and consumed by the thoughts of food/weight/calories/exercise etc. my body temperature dropped to 34oC and I started having heart palpitations - basically I could have died from a heart arrhythmia at any time. My parents intervened quite quickly and I hated it back then, but it’s thanks to them that I’m still around here. Since I was still in denial, and forced to recover - I rejected treatment and any therapy. This was a beginning of an end of one ED and transition to another - bulimia to be exact. Thinking about it now, maybe if I sought professional help to recover from anorexia I would never have had to go through bulimia. Maybe. Anyways, at this stage I was the lowest I’ve ever been in terms of depression and all, I started to self-harm and wanted to die. My bulimia haunted me for good 4 years of my life. During that time, I was throwing up multiple times a day every day. My parents hated me. I was constantly lying to them and literally throwing their money down the toilet with my never ending binge/purge episodes. My hair, my teeth, my grades, my family relations and everything suffered! I started having anxiety/panic attacks (mostly subsided now, so were a direct consequence of my bulimia). I was exhausted. And after 2-3 years I started being sick and tired of being sick and tired. I wanted to stop endless times, but I always failed. Until around 8 months ago - something finally clicked and I found my way out of this living hell. I found the strength to live again, not just survive. Unfortunately I still had some binge episodes, but I tried my best not to fall back into my old ways. I had some minor slip-ups, but I always kept pushing. The fitblr tumblr community really kept me going! You guys are great! :) I did gain quite a bit of weight during this battle. And now, I kind of want to start anew - with healthy lifestyle to get to my optimum weight and not just be happy (which recovery brought me), but also be healthy. I think that I’ve finally made my transition from the ED to fitblr way of life!
So what helped me to have a successful recovery (so far):
- Throwing away the scale!
- Having a recovery plan that suits me - everyone’s different, and what worked for me might not work for you, just like what worked for others didn’t necessarily work for me
- Full acknowledgement of the problem and having the determination to recover - if you don’t want to recover yourself (instead of people wanting you to), most probably the therapy/treatment will fail. You have to want to recover, and do it for yourself!
- Having a support system - friends/family/tumblr community etc. - someone who you can turn to during the hardest times
- Having something to look forward to - a motivation that keeps you going - e.g. you want to have a successful career/family in the future - something you couldn’t have if you continue having your ED. This also works the other way round - something that you don’t want to but will lose due to your ED.
- Seeing progress!
I think these are the most important things that had me start and kept me going as far as I am now.
If you’re reading this and you suffer from any of the conditions mentioned above, I’m begging you please get help! Don’t waste your life with this horrible, life threatening and ruining disorder! Recovery is tough, but hell - it’s so worth it! Trust me on that one. And if you ever need to talk - I’m always here for you! xxx
Note: My url remains ED-related, but I’m in no way pro-ed/ana/mia (Please read this post to find out more). I’m actually pro-recovery, gaining health and happiness back into my life.
If you’ve read all this, you really impressed me! Haha. Well, I hope you find my blog somewhat useful,